I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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