Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
