I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize