yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
