i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
