Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
