After last night, I could never be a politician.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
