Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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