You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
