There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
