But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
