Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
