Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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