Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
