Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
