I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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