i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
