What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
