spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
