remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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