Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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