The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
