look no pants
Swine flu. Run for my life!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
