dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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