Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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