people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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