why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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