also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I yelled at your uterus for you.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
