Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
