apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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