Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
