call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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