the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
