my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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