Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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