Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
