I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
