Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
