Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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