I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
