She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
