I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
