you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
