I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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