why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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