Rock
Scissors
Fuck
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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