So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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