Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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