i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
