what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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