i may or may not be watching the land before time
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
