Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
my being single is dangerous.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
