He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
