I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
