I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
