yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
