Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
