Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Sext me about skeletons
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
