put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
