im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
